1. The fact that midnight is the official start of a new day, instead of whenever you wake up.
2. Mothers and fathers only receive one day of celebration per year, while sharks get an entire week.
3. Cell phones have essentially wiped out the option of pushing someone into the pool.
4. Not knowing how to spell something, and realizing that you may just have to replace it with another word.
5. Blackberries are done. They’ve failed to provide sufficient technological improvements, and are the cell phone equivalent of Myspace.
6. Getting cozy in bed, then realizing you have to get up to do something.
7. As important as your call to a company is, you’ll still probably be forced to listen to fifteen minutes of smooth jazz while you hold for the next available representative.
8. Many relationships nowadays don’t feel genuinely official, until it says it on Facebook.
9. Having your voice recorded and hearing it played back. You’ll cringe and wonder if you really sound that way all the time.
10. Non-alcoholic beer and decaffeinated coffee are actual products sold in stores.
11. Fixing things is rarely ever as easy as blowing into videogame cartridges was throughout the 90s.
12. Multiple trips to bring groceries inside of the house. Instead, we’ll struggle with 20 bags in each hand, as long as it means one journey.
13. Friends who eat brownies, washed down with Mountain Dew, and other awful sh-t — but remain outrageously skinny or in-shape.
14. The unspoken fact that a text message stating nothing but the phrase, “LOL,” means the conversation is entirely over.
15. Boredom and hunger being basically indistinguishable.
16. Being in the middle of telling a great story, and realizing that nobody is paying attention.
17. Tyler Perry is going to continue making movies, and Nickelback is going to continue making music. (And they’ll probably continue to be highly successful — so if you don’t enjoy ‘em, don’t watch or listen.)
18. Your cell phone falling to the ground will almost always draw more concern from others than you tripping or slipping, and going for a tumble.
19. When you are strongly attracted to a person but they don’t reciprocate those feelings, and they’re just not going to — no matter what you do.
20. LeBron James is currently the greatest basketball player in the world, and he’s got a championship ring to back it up.
21. Continuously high gas prices.
22. Even higher orange juice prices. I mean, seriously, the vitamin C can’t help our bodies out too much if we lose an arm and a leg every time we buy a carton.
23. Christian Bale’s Batman voice. It’s tragic that Batman himself is the worst aspect of Batman movies.
24. When it’s 8:01 and you’re scheduled to be at work at 8:00, so you should probably get out of bed.
25. Season finales with epic cliffhangers or brilliant storylines that leave us wanting more… Yeah, I’m looking at you, Walking Dead.
By Christopher Hudspeth