“I’m Not Looking For a Relationship”

By March 26, 2012Lifestyle

** all of the advice below is easily transferable to any dating issues of the male variety.

Any woman getting physically involved with a man will eventually ask the question before they engage in sex. “What are you looking for?” This is reference to dating, not casual, or drunken hookup-sex.  This question is usually in regards to what the man is expecting from her and hopefully wipes that blurry, grey area clean. This is a question that immediately leads to an even more confusing answer, making that blurry grey area even larger.

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

After this sentence has left the speakers lips you decide to do one of the following three:

Remove yourself: For those who are want the more serious path. You’re on a hunt for something and it probably involves a ring and babies. You’re just not willing to wait and see if the dude wants to achieve the same goal. So get out now, you’ve given yourself a deadline.

Show them that they need you: This is the cruelest of the three. This road is where the listening party decides that the person who made the statement doesn’t know what they want. You have decided that, the other person actually wants the relationship but just needs someone to tell them and show them. More than likely, this type of pressure will lead to a person’s desire for a relationship to diminish. It will not end well.

Wait and See: This is the middle ground. The happy medium. The smart option. With a great amount of patience, you stick around because obviously this person intrigues you or else you wouldn’t have deemed them worth of becoming a significant other. It could blossom into a relationship, a friendship or just a season in your life.

As emotional beings, women tend to overreact to this common and misused phrase. We get upset because the dude didn’t confess their love right away, and fall into a pit of 24 hour self-hatred. Smarten up. If the guy had told you what you wanted to hear you would lose interest in him. The level on your scale of desire for him would fall to a D+ because you’ve cracked the code and now he’s your bitch…

 I’m not looking for a relationship right now does not necessarily mean that he is not looking for a relationship; what he is communicating is he isn’t placing a whole lot of weight on the act of sex.  He won’t be expecting anything more from it than simply good emotions, release and an in the moment hump. He is trying you on, evaluating you and deciding if you are someone he would like to spend more time on. We have all done this; we have all had great sex with someone with whom we knew we could never make a relationship work. Having fun in the moment with no predetermined outcome can be a great way to learn about yourself and gain a higher understanding of future lovers or mates.

This is a sentence that is honest. Many men have said this to a woman that they ended up embarking on a relationship with that lasted several months. It was probably really good and both parties shared great experiences with each other. This in large part thanks to the absence of that awkward feeling of “what is this?” as the relationship developed. This is his way of telling you that he isn’t looking to snatch you up and keep you all to himself, he wants you to feel free. Because when you are free, you are being yourself.

It is the opposite of this statement that which causes problems. Being uncertain of what he wants and instead telling you what he THINKS you want to hear. This is when we either get overly excited and start to think about the perfect table setting to register; OR we clam up, get quiet and do an about face with our emotions, never to be heard from again.  So check yourself, before you wreck yourself. Use your brain not your hormones. And most importantly remember that you do this for LOVE. Not because you’re trying to fill a void. Don’t settle and for the love of God don’t be crazy. You’re not crazy so don’t let a man turn you into a stereotype.

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  • Wendy Honey says:

    Hmmm there is some really good advice here. It is so easy to assume that “I don’t want a relationship right now” means it has to be the end of everything, I have certainly thought that in the past when I’ve heard it from a guy. But there is something in between a one night stand and getting married. I suppose it is realising when it’s ok to just go with the flow, not get too serious, but also be respectful and committed to each other in whatever way you decide.

  • I like the way you give advice about what to do when he says, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

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